Welcome to Resolve this Conflict!

Thanks for your interest in resolve this conflict!  I help individuals, couples, families, teams, and organizations resolve communication problems and conflict.   I live in San Jose, California and coach people in person who live or visit the bay area.  I also coach people by Zoom, in person, or by phone.

Conflicts come in all sizes from slight misunderstandings or disagreements, lack of trust, mis-communications to big upsets.  I look forward to providing you with many tools and tips that will help you resolve conflict or communication breakdowns with people who are important to you in your personal and professional life.  Feel free to browse my website and let me know how I can be of service to you!

Many of us avoid conflict because we are afraid of hurting people we care about. We often pretend it is not there. However, there are almost no authentic relationships I know that do not have conflict from time to time.  When you have people with different backgrounds,  personalities and points of view, conflict will most likey come up from time to time.

When faced with how to resolve this conflict, the worst thing that you can do is to avoid it. When you avoid conflict, the relationship will suffer. It’s the things that are left unsaid that create the gap between two people. They chip away at the relationship until one day, you wake up and realize how far apart you’ve grown.

When faced with conflict, the best thing to do is to face it head on. Here are some things to consider in order to resolve conflict effectively.

1. Decide what kind of resolution you want to happen. Conflicts can range from very small to really serious and the outcome you want may differ accordingly. Do you just want to be heard? Do you want to receive an apology? Do you want concrete changes to happen? Knowing what ending you want to achieve can help you focus on the best way to resolve conflicts. Mentally prepare your conversation before you confront somebody.  Putting what you want to say down on paper, refining it, or rehearsing it can help you make sure that you say all that you want to say, and you avoid saying things you’ll just regret.
2. Pick a good time and a good place. Be sensitive to the situation of the other party. Set a date that’s good for both of you. Choose a place where you can talk privately and openly.
3. Begin by affirming the importance of your relationship. When resolving conflicts in personal relationships, the end goal is always for a stronger relationship to emerge. When the other person knows that you value the relationship, this may help build trust during the conversation.
4. Choose your words carefully. Avoid generalizations, avoid accusing the other party directly, and avoid bringing other people into your conflict. Focus on how the issue or situation has affected you and then try to enlist his support towards a good resolution. Use “I” messages such as “When you show up late, I feel disrespected”. Say how you feel. Keep blame out of the conversation.
5. Listen to what they have to say without interrupting.  Be willing to hear different points of view.
6. Make a request if needed.  “ I request that you call me at least 20 minutes before I am going to meet you if you are going to be late”.  Then ask if they accept your request “(Do you accept my request?)
7. End with a stronger commitment towards each other. End the dialogue by affirming your commitment to each other and to your relationship. Reiterate the purpose of the resolution, which is to build an even stronger bond between the two of you.

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